Mum thinks I am suffering from this - although I am eating, sleeping and improving in my physical health, she feels that I am very blank/zombie like, not taking an interest, being very passive and submissive and well just not responding.
She thinks it is a bit like I am a concentration camp survivor - I saw the selections, I saw them being herded into the bad lorries that took them to their deaths - to cope with it, I just switched off. I hid, made myself small and invisible, as that way you didn't get picked out, or you didn't get singled out for bad treatment.
To get by, I sort of shrank, disappeared and even now that I am safe, I just don't believe it and don't know yet how to behave differently.
She says that many concentration camp survivors suffer guilt for having survived, and while she doesn't think this is what is wrong with me, I have just become so used to skulking in the background, trying to blend in, not stick not, not be noticed, that I don't know how to stop it now
She says she would love to see me display some naughtiness, some spirit but that at the moment I just am not capable of it - I receive affection but I don't respond to it very much as I don't know what to do. Hopefully I will learn how to do this.
At the moment she says maybe the best thing is to leave me alone, not make demands on me and let me work it out for myself. I will have to think about this as I know that the other donkeys are much naughtier than me.
She thinks that the constant changing of the herd, horses ponies and donkeys arriving all the time, you make a friend and then wham you turn around and they have gone to be killed - it must have been very unsettling for me, and also that she doesn't know if other horses bullied me so that I got so thin - she says that she looked on the website to see the horses there now and many of them are looking very skinny, probably as the spring grass hasn't come through yet and a lot of them look very very poor.
I want to be a good donkey - I never do anything wrong as I'm scared of the consequences if I do - will she send me away again, will that bad lorry come for me? I am yet to be convinced that this is my forever home and that I can chill out and relax and stop worrying.
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2 comments:
Oh poor little Vodka. Dont you worry baby. You are there for life but I promise that if anything should ever happen and you had to move, you could come to me (and bring your pals) and I would look after you.
You will never have to worry again
Oh and in case you didnt realise, I'm also Skippys mum xxx
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