The Cruelty of Fate

Mum is very very upset - she had been so pleased that Belle, the old mare at the fat farm, had been saved and was coming to the UK to end her days.

Belle, if you don't know her like I do, is a big chestnut mare who in her youth was a total stunner - a really good looking horse. Quite why she has fallen so far in the world to be worth only the meat on her ribs I don't know, but some kind person bought the good banner for her that said she was saved. I was so pleased for her as she was a very gentle dignified girl who should be spending her final years in leisure and comfort, not as someone's dinner.

We were all getting ready to welcome her to her new country but sadly she was not well enough to travel and so she is still at the fat farm and everyone is trying to find someone kind in France to take her - mum has been in touch with racehorse trainer Francois Doumen in case he might know someone and asked her friends in France if anyone could help. But it is so difficult to find the right place for her.

Isn't life cruel - to be so close to being safe and having it all snatched away from you, just as your hoof gets onto the ramp of the good lorry!

Even worse, Belle's daughter is also there - how bad is that, mum and daughter both going to be killed and having to watch it happen to a member of the family. Belle's daughter looks so thin as well. I am well out of there I fear.

Mum says life just isn't fair at times. It can have the cruellest of ironies at times.

Haylage - One Day Only

We have run out of hay - disaster!!!! How could that silly woman let this happen, knowing how much I enjoy my dinner every night.....will it be a return to starvation.

She says it's not her fault that our hay supplier was waiting for more to arrive and she ordered in good time. Anyway, to tide us over, she bought some very sweet smelling haylage and just as I was enjoying it, the delivery of hay turned up - so we are back to the standard hay bales.

I'm not sure if I am happy or sad - it is nice to see all that hay stacked up neatly waiting for me to eat it (makes me feel secure to know it is there and that there should be plenty for a semi starved donkey) but on the other hand I was quite enjoying the new flavour of haylage - much sweeter, softer, a bit more aromatic, I could get used to it!

We have finished the bale that was opened and there are two left, but I have been told these are 'emergency' only rations and I shouldn't get too excited that they will be opened soon.

The Wooly Mammoth

Mum says that today I resemble a woolly mammoth - my long coat is absolutely plastered with shavings as I have been lying down having a good sleep - and I look totally unkempt.

She says I just need some tusks and I would be spitting image of a woolly mammoth - naturally I take great exception to this, as I am a fine, giraffe donkey of the Poitou persuasion.

Vodka Suffers Post Traumatic Stress

Mum thinks I am suffering from this - although I am eating, sleeping and improving in my physical health, she feels that I am very blank/zombie like, not taking an interest, being very passive and submissive and well just not responding.

She thinks it is a bit like I am a concentration camp survivor - I saw the selections, I saw them being herded into the bad lorries that took them to their deaths - to cope with it, I just switched off. I hid, made myself small and invisible, as that way you didn't get picked out, or you didn't get singled out for bad treatment.

To get by, I sort of shrank, disappeared and even now that I am safe, I just don't believe it and don't know yet how to behave differently.

She says that many concentration camp survivors suffer guilt for having survived, and while she doesn't think this is what is wrong with me, I have just become so used to skulking in the background, trying to blend in, not stick not, not be noticed, that I don't know how to stop it now

She says she would love to see me display some naughtiness, some spirit but that at the moment I just am not capable of it - I receive affection but I don't respond to it very much as I don't know what to do. Hopefully I will learn how to do this.

At the moment she says maybe the best thing is to leave me alone, not make demands on me and let me work it out for myself. I will have to think about this as I know that the other donkeys are much naughtier than me.

She thinks that the constant changing of the herd, horses ponies and donkeys arriving all the time, you make a friend and then wham you turn around and they have gone to be killed - it must have been very unsettling for me, and also that she doesn't know if other horses bullied me so that I got so thin - she says that she looked on the website to see the horses there now and many of them are looking very skinny, probably as the spring grass hasn't come through yet and a lot of them look very very poor.

I want to be a good donkey - I never do anything wrong as I'm scared of the consequences if I do - will she send me away again, will that bad lorry come for me? I am yet to be convinced that this is my forever home and that I can chill out and relax and stop worrying.

My Generosity Knows No Bounds

Aimee now had ringworm as well - mum is less than impressed, Ferguson had just about finished his course of powders when Aimee (who we thought was a carrier like me but no signs) has become even more spotty than she is normally.

So we are now all being dosed with these funny powders in our food to get rid of it.

Ferguson is irate - his view on it is that it is like getting a dose of the .... from a french filly - he is not at all amused.

Mum is just praying that she doesn't get it!

The Sleeping Beauty

It was lovely and warm today - I was so sleepy that I just had to lie down in the field and have a doze.

Mum saw me - it is the first time I have slept in the field and she wished she had been able to take a picture of a Vodka donkey dozing flat out - ears still flicking in case of danger.

It reminded me of hot weather in France or wherever it was before I came to Scotland - maybe I am going to have lots of sunny days and maybe the odd Vodka Cocktail at sundown.

Sounds good to me.

A Death in the Family

Mum has been a bit sad recently - her cat Doodle got ill and died very suddenly on Easter Monday - she was unable to breath and despite lots of pills and potions, she died in mum's arms.

Doodle had a very sad life till she met mum and dad. She was living rough in Bognor Regis, having lost her home - she was a very long haired cat and needed lots of grooming so all her coat was matted and tangled - so much so it hurt her skin as the knots pulled her skin when she moved. She was cowering and hiding in a coal shed and someone burnt her with cigarettes!

She was finally rescued and taken into care but no one wanted her, as she was so nervous and such a scaredy cat that when people came to see her she would hide. She did get a new home but it only lasted a few days as she was too scared to come out and use her litter tray so they called her dirty - she wasn't, she just was so so frightened.

She was in care for nearly 18 months, living in a cattery pen, until mum and dad took her home. She lived under their bed for a year - with a litter tray and food tray and yes she worked out which were which! - and it was nearly two years before she was brave enough to venture out and explore the house. She never really got outdoors much - she occasionally walked out onto the lawn but never more than a few feet from the door - as all the bad things that happened to her happened outside and she didn't want to take the risk that she couldn't get inside again to where it was safe.

Mum said it was very unfair that she had been taken from us as she wasn't a very old cat and she was enjoying her new home in Scotland and we had been looking forward to seeing Doodle outdoors on the decking, having tea and sandwiches, in the summer. But it was not to be.

Mum says that it was just a sad accident, that I shouldn't worry, that Doodle's death doesn't mean I am at risk - she says they buried her, they didn't eat her or anything horrible like that. They say she is buried on the hill so that she can see everywhere, all the places she never got to explore herself. Mum says that a lot of her cats are quite old now and that it is likely that some of them will die before I do but I shouldn't worry, it is just how life is.

I find it very confusing, in France many of the young foals die and I don't understand that, when they should have such long lifes ahead of them. Often their mothers die with them or have to watch them being killed. I just can't understand these things at all, it is just too too hard.

Doodle's resting place is very beautiful. Maybe one day I can visit it and prune the shrubs and flowers, I feel I have a latent talent for landscaping.

I learn from Cazaux - Be Generous

I have been very generous, I have given my new friend, Ferguson, ringworm.

Mum noticed that he seemed to be looking a bit panda like and there it was, the tell tale circles! She was not impressed.

She said the only likely candidate was me and that both Aimee and I are carriers but don't show the symptoms at all. Evidently Aimee has past form - when she arrived several years ago, Mouse donkey came down with ringworm! So she is a carrier too and she is fine so the girls are ok and it is the little fellow who is covered in circles!

Ferguson has to eat this special powder which will make him better and stop his hair falling out - he complains that it is very itchy.

Some of my fan club were due to visit me this weekend but they have been cancelled as Ferguson is infectious and no one wants him to be generous with his fungus. Mum is itching herself but she keeps saying it is only the idea of ringworm that is making her itch!

My Friend Cazaux

My new mum says that she has had news of my old friend and protector, the brave Cazaux.

Evidently, with the weather and everything, he is still not separated from his boy bits so had been 'yarded' as they say - no not a member of a gang but imprisoned on the yard as he is not allowed to socialise with sensitive jenny donkeys, which are everywhere at the Donkey Sanctuary. Mum says there are some very fine funky fillies there and the old fella's heart is pounding with excitement and spring almost in the air.

But finally the day came when he was taken out to what will be his new field - ok he is a home alone donkey, but he can see other potential friends nearby and it means he can have a gallop and a buck and kick - he also shows that a total poseur he is by advertising the sanctuary.

I think they will have to redesign all their publicity material to feature Cazaux!

It is wonderful to see him again as he was a good friend to me and we have travelled a long way together. Ferguson, my new boy, is tiny and a bit of a wimp compared to the gallant Cazaux - he just does not quite have that gallic charm that oozes from Cazaux. Oh, will I ever see him again?

La Neige

It was very white this morning, bitterly cold, that cruel cruel mum said I should go out and stretch my legs - I was very reluctant, what was wrong with breakfast in bed, followed by a snooze, read the sunday papers, brunch, another snooze, then dinner......

Not much to ask. But no, we got turfed out - my face says it all. I thought I had been rescued, taken to a wonderful new life.....well no, they have no consideration at all.

The White Stuff

Funny white stuff falling from the skies, feels funny and cold. Makes my eyelashes look very long and pretty.

It started this afternoon, little hard balls of white frosty things, got into my mane and my fluffy face. Don't understand it at all.

Stood for ages, staring at it, then those people who look after me rushed up, opened gates, and I was safe indoors eating my supper.

Wonder if it will be safe to go out tomorrow or if there will be more of this white stuff....

He Who Saws At Teeth Cometh

We were brought in early today - huh, and it was nice weather for once, so I was a bit grumpy at being disturbed.

The 'vet' was here - great trepidation, sedation to Rosie horse who the vet thinks is a problem horse as the only time they saw her before was when she had a sore tummy and behaved very badly - so the rest of us were angelic in comparison and don't have to live up to much to be better behaved than Rosie.

I was sounded from all angles, and then had a needle stuck in me to protect me from something horrible called tetanus, which locks your jaws together and you die in a lot of pain. Now I can pass on that thank you.

I had this funny thing put in my mouth and my teeth were inspected from all angles - had I remembered to brush this morning, was I minty fresh? I seemed to pass ok as they didn't get the funny raspy thing and try to file away my little dainty dentures. Reckoned I was just a baby but a bit more flossing would be useful. Will do my best.

Ferguson was excellent - there was a student vet and she got to practice on him as he is so good he just stands there and yawns and lets it all happen. Molly horse is also a saintly horse when it comes to dentals, again she just poses with teeth and they can get on with it.

The spotty Aimee is the worst, she wriggles and wriggles and tries to evade but eventually she was declared ship shape or whatever.

And then the moment - was Rosie going to disgrace herself. The sedation in her food hadn't had much effect, not even a drooping of an eyelid - mum said she will fight it you know. Anyway, headcollar on, mum gets her scruffed so that it sedates her a bit more and one side of mouth is done. Rosie reckons it is finished and refuses to be caught again, but after a bit of gentle reasoning with her, she is brave enough to have the other side done. Now the bad bit - needle phobic Rosie has to be vaccinated - I never even flinched but this silly big horse almost faints at the sight of a needle - anything this time, with her eye covered, she manages to be brave enough for her jab. Sighs of relief all round.

Mum says 'she isn't as bad as you think, she is a total coward under neath it all', vet is grateful to be alive and intact.

Not a bad result all round.

Mount Fuji

After we had been sharing a stable for a few days, mum said, it looks like you have all settled down as the next morning, we were all covered in shavings from lying down.

Fergus looks like Mount Fuji, a nice top dressing of shavings on his back. He can snore a bit but otherwise he doesn't take up too much room.

Me, my shaggy coat is covered in shavings, they are everywhere, I got down, had a good snooze, a bit of a roll, all before breakfast time. I am getting the hang of living here. Not so worried all the time, not lying awake at night wondering if the bad lorry is nearby. I am relaxing so that I can eat more and put on weight. Mum says she now has to hunt for my ribs and that I have put a little bit more bottom - no longer quite a size zero.

She was worried that when I went out into the field, the change of diet might give me a gippy tummy and I would lose all the nourishment from my feed, but no, I am fine. In fact, she was complaining that since my arrival, the number of wheelbarrows needed to muck out in the morning has risen from 2 to 3! All down to me. I am proud of myself.

Pink is Not Perfect

Mum has this thing that I am a pink donkey - well ladylike, girly etc. So this pink thing was put in the corner of the stable. Well none of us were going to go near it. We all snorted, stamped our feet, refused point blank.

Mum explained that one portion of dinner was in it so it was a bit silly not to eat from it but no, I wasn't going anywhere near it, which meant that Aimee and I were trying to eat out of the same feeding dish. This tends to lead to words - she doesn't understand my French swear words so it doesn't have quite the desired effect.

Eventually brave little brown person, aka Fergus, had a go, the manger is a wee bit too high for him as it was positioned for giraffe neck and he needs elevator shoes to get to it, but he did his best.

Mum says 'don't you know the cost of these things? ' - well no, I don't, and why should I?

Eventually the spotty one also had a look in it. I am still not convinced that it is ok so I will stick to the other one, the old shabby one that I like.