As you may know from previous posts, my catwalk is being made as we speak.....I am not sure of the colour - dirty grey - and tonight I had the first chance to try it out.....it's not quite finished but mum says tomorrow we will be fully encircled.
However the only way onto it was to jump over a log. Now with my giraffe legs, I just couldn't figure it out - how to lift each one up in turn, or take a big leap at it. Mum says I made a total three course dinner of it, as it was only 9 inches hight.....and with my long legs really what an excuse.
The two diddy donkeys had already climbed over it, scampered along the yellow brick road, straight into the stable, and I was left alone, running up and down, shouting and screaming for someone to come and help me. A donkey home alone, not good. Panic.
Mum came back with a headcollar and I submitted to being caught, she then tried to lead me over the logs but no, not a chance. I wasn't going to risk it. I know all about broken legs in donkeys - it's a one way trip (literally) to the larder! In the end she had to woman-handle the log - all 10ft long of it, big fir tree - out of the way to make a gap so a dainty donkey ankle could squeeze through.
Finally I got into the stable only to find the two diddy donkeys had eaten my dinner as well.
Adding insult to injury I think. I am plotting my revenge.
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
Monday, 22 September 2008
Vodka Badly Injures Mum - And Just Escapes Death
They have started installing the Vodka Catwalk - I expect a red carpet at the very least. Mum says I may have to make do with grey instead.
The gateways to our fields are muddy and I am expected to get the Vodka ankles dirty as I delicately trip in and out on a daily basis. This is just not on - especially as poor little Ferguson who does not have giraffe donkey long legs almost flounders in the mud - I am sure one of these days we are going to have to dig him out.
Mum also lost her wellies in it last week and there was a lot of cursing about the fact that she had to take her foot out of the wellie, walk out through the mud barefoot, having managed to eventually pull the offending wellie out of the mud without going as she says a over t. Not sure what that means but maybe someone out there can translate. Something to do with bottoms and bristols she tells me.
The cat walk project has meant that we have had to move to the bottom field. The main gate to this is used by Rosie the cob and it is very very muddy, even worse than our field gate. So we have had to use the bottom gate, which isn't really for foor legged people like us - it is a people gate and you have to go over a bridge and through this little gate. To get there you have to come down the hill via the garden.
So far so good you might think but no not quite.
On Friday, mum told dad to go down and shut the gate at the entrance to the house, so that if for any reason any of us clever donkeys managed to get loose while walking in the garden. Reasonable precaution given what happened next. She then got all our headcollars on and started leading us out of the barn and down the yard, the gate of which was open.
To her horror, she saw that daft daddy had let a lorry carrying stones for the tracks through the bottom gate and it was coming up the hill towards us. He also hadn't shut the bottom gate. Mum was screaming at the driver to stop, but being a lorry driver he paid not the slightest bit of attention and kept coming straight at us. As he came past us, all three of us panicked and tried to run away.
Poor mum held on as long as she could but eventually the inevitable happened and she got pulled over and dragged down the roadway, still holding onto our ropes. Of course three donkeys are stronger than one person being towed down a hill on her bottom so she had to let go.
I'm afraid to admit that I stood on her and kicked her on the head and also knocked off her specs so she couldn't see anything......she says she knows it was me as she spotted my hairy ankles.
The three of us then set of at a gallop down the hill towards the open gate. Mum, still winded, blinded and looking for her specs, is screaming something they call abuse at dad to get the b gate closed - which he just manages to do before we run out of it and along the lane, which leads to the main road......
He manages to shoo us into the field and then he and mum have what I think is called a discussion, while continuing to search for her specs. I understand it was full and frank.
The specs are eventually found, slightly bent......mum says she needed a new pair anyway and having them at an angle does nothing for her view of the world.
I feel very sorry and contrite as mum has a hoof shaped bruise on boob 1, a large bruise on her midrift which she says is colouring up nicely and is very swollen. She also has multiple bruises on her arms and legs where I trotted on her - I expect I did a nice piaffe just to make sure!
She has forgiven me and says the blame lies elsewhere. Maybe she is saying this just to be kind....
The gateways to our fields are muddy and I am expected to get the Vodka ankles dirty as I delicately trip in and out on a daily basis. This is just not on - especially as poor little Ferguson who does not have giraffe donkey long legs almost flounders in the mud - I am sure one of these days we are going to have to dig him out.
Mum also lost her wellies in it last week and there was a lot of cursing about the fact that she had to take her foot out of the wellie, walk out through the mud barefoot, having managed to eventually pull the offending wellie out of the mud without going as she says a over t. Not sure what that means but maybe someone out there can translate. Something to do with bottoms and bristols she tells me.
The cat walk project has meant that we have had to move to the bottom field. The main gate to this is used by Rosie the cob and it is very very muddy, even worse than our field gate. So we have had to use the bottom gate, which isn't really for foor legged people like us - it is a people gate and you have to go over a bridge and through this little gate. To get there you have to come down the hill via the garden.
So far so good you might think but no not quite.
On Friday, mum told dad to go down and shut the gate at the entrance to the house, so that if for any reason any of us clever donkeys managed to get loose while walking in the garden. Reasonable precaution given what happened next. She then got all our headcollars on and started leading us out of the barn and down the yard, the gate of which was open.
To her horror, she saw that daft daddy had let a lorry carrying stones for the tracks through the bottom gate and it was coming up the hill towards us. He also hadn't shut the bottom gate. Mum was screaming at the driver to stop, but being a lorry driver he paid not the slightest bit of attention and kept coming straight at us. As he came past us, all three of us panicked and tried to run away.
Poor mum held on as long as she could but eventually the inevitable happened and she got pulled over and dragged down the roadway, still holding onto our ropes. Of course three donkeys are stronger than one person being towed down a hill on her bottom so she had to let go.
I'm afraid to admit that I stood on her and kicked her on the head and also knocked off her specs so she couldn't see anything......she says she knows it was me as she spotted my hairy ankles.
The three of us then set of at a gallop down the hill towards the open gate. Mum, still winded, blinded and looking for her specs, is screaming something they call abuse at dad to get the b gate closed - which he just manages to do before we run out of it and along the lane, which leads to the main road......
He manages to shoo us into the field and then he and mum have what I think is called a discussion, while continuing to search for her specs. I understand it was full and frank.
The specs are eventually found, slightly bent......mum says she needed a new pair anyway and having them at an angle does nothing for her view of the world.
I feel very sorry and contrite as mum has a hoof shaped bruise on boob 1, a large bruise on her midrift which she says is colouring up nicely and is very swollen. She also has multiple bruises on her arms and legs where I trotted on her - I expect I did a nice piaffe just to make sure!
She has forgiven me and says the blame lies elsewhere. Maybe she is saying this just to be kind....
Monday, 8 September 2008
Vodka Donkey Open Day - 21st September
Mum is busy baking cakes and things for this, so please everyone in the area come to Dumfries and Galloway to see me.
I will be 'at home' on Sunday 21st September and will be available for one to one chats from 1200 noon to 4 pm - I will be getting all dolled up for the day so please make sure you come to see me as we will all be so disappointed if you can't make it.
I live just off the A713 Ayr to Castle Douglas road and it is very easy to find - you can see my house from the main road. If you need any directions, send me an email or post a comment here - my email is care of mum and she says she can be contacted on louise.whyte@btinternet.com.
Aimee and Ferguson will also be putting in an appearance - just to keep them happy but we all know who the real star is......
I will be 'at home' on Sunday 21st September and will be available for one to one chats from 1200 noon to 4 pm - I will be getting all dolled up for the day so please make sure you come to see me as we will all be so disappointed if you can't make it.
I live just off the A713 Ayr to Castle Douglas road and it is very easy to find - you can see my house from the main road. If you need any directions, send me an email or post a comment here - my email is care of mum and she says she can be contacted on louise.whyte@btinternet.com.
Aimee and Ferguson will also be putting in an appearance - just to keep them happy but we all know who the real star is......
Vodka Cyclops
I am badly hurt. I have managed to scratch my beautiful long lashed Vodka eye and it is now weeping and very sore.
Mum said that it needed looking at, as the last thing we want is a Vodka who cannot see, so this new vet, well one I haven't seen before, came to inspect me.
I was in the tiny tiny paddock behind the barn and mum called me so I came through the gate on my own and stood in the yard, while the vet admired the Vodka from all angles. I went up to him and gave him a good sniff but no he didn't have polo mints - surely every vet should come armed with them? Isn't it polite to bring a small gift when visiting a patient. I found this very disappointing.
Then mum said we'd better go into my stable so I could be looked at properly, so she called me again and I trotted behind her into my stable.
At this point the vet was astonished. He said that he had been expecting a semi wild terrified donkey - given my sad background - and couldn't believe what he had seen. Mum then put my headcollar on and my eye was looked at and things shone in it - I have managed to scratch my cornea so I need lots of cream in my eye to make it well.
I think I was so so brave to do all this. Mum says she is totally proud of me for being such a good girl.
I think the vet will be less afraid of me next time - I think he was anticipating being there for hours, trying to get near me - he just didn't expect a self confident little Vodka. But he'd better remember my polo mints or there will be tears.
Mum said that it needed looking at, as the last thing we want is a Vodka who cannot see, so this new vet, well one I haven't seen before, came to inspect me.
I was in the tiny tiny paddock behind the barn and mum called me so I came through the gate on my own and stood in the yard, while the vet admired the Vodka from all angles. I went up to him and gave him a good sniff but no he didn't have polo mints - surely every vet should come armed with them? Isn't it polite to bring a small gift when visiting a patient. I found this very disappointing.
Then mum said we'd better go into my stable so I could be looked at properly, so she called me again and I trotted behind her into my stable.
At this point the vet was astonished. He said that he had been expecting a semi wild terrified donkey - given my sad background - and couldn't believe what he had seen. Mum then put my headcollar on and my eye was looked at and things shone in it - I have managed to scratch my cornea so I need lots of cream in my eye to make it well.
I think I was so so brave to do all this. Mum says she is totally proud of me for being such a good girl.
I think the vet will be less afraid of me next time - I think he was anticipating being there for hours, trying to get near me - he just didn't expect a self confident little Vodka. But he'd better remember my polo mints or there will be tears.
Monday, 1 September 2008
Mum Visits My Hero, Cazaux
I am very upset, mum went to see my best boyfriend and didn't suggest taking me along!
All I get are these mingy photos of him in all his glory - well less glory than he used to be but we won't go into his transformation into a contented gelding......She also ran out of memory on her camera so couldn't even take most of the pictures she planned - how's that for organisation?
It has been six months since I said goodbye to my gallant french friend, who helped me through the horrible times on the fat farm in France - at the very least I should have a mobile so I can call him up and have a hee haw about life and times but no, all contact stopped. I want visitation rights.
It's nice to see how well he is, much fatter than when we said our farewells, though I think I have a funkier haircut. Mum said he is still as in your face as ever and totally charismatic - so nothing's changed other than the loss of his mangy old coat and the gaining of several kilos.
Mum left him his Pension Fund, which I am sure he wants to be invested in carrots and other edibles though Helen may have other ideas on what it can be spent on. Mum said they had lots of hay in store - more than we have .......I must have words as I don't like this idea of a lack of winter rations.
Cazaux really is King of the Castle there - he even has his own promotional keyring (didn't have the heart to tell him that other donkeys have been similarly honoured as I am sure he thinks it's only the gallant Cazaux that features in any promo goods).
My little heart skipped a beat to see him - my dinky Scottish friend Ferguson does his best but he has the charisma of a....very diminutive Scottish donkey. He just lacks the je ne sais quoi of the gallic gallant.
I am deeply jealous of Charlotte and Coquette, the two French fillies, who are in braying distance of my brave boy. Eat your heart out Vodka, they can see, hear but not touch. Maybe that's worse, being so close to Mr Irresistible but so far.
Bonjour Cazaux, bravo. I am sending you tant de baisers.
Your sweetheart, Vodka.
Thursday, 28 August 2008
Cazaux Has A Pension Fund
My old friend Cazaux, happily living at Donkey Heaven aka Scottish Borders Donkey Sanctuary, is now a very lucky donkey, not only does he have a new home for life but he has a PENSION.
Aimee donkey is, I hate to admit it, clever. She does these things called Street Collections, where she goes to a town centre and hangs around and eats polo mints, apples, carrots (oh and not forgetting she gets her feed bucket and haynet as well). For some reason, people give her money - this is the bit I can't figure out. I mean I haven't worked out what useful function she performs yet so why give her money? Oh well, no accounting for it.
Anyway, she was in Ayr, a local seaside town, on Saturday and she posed and preened and generally did her stuff from 1030 in the morning to 430 in the afternoon - rather her than me, I was in the field all day chilling out. People brought her gifts - like organic carrots from Marks and Spencers - and she stood there like a little spotted princess and ate and slept. Mum says we won't mention about her lifting her tail and mum having to get the rubber gloves and plastic bags out.
Mum says that this is all well and good, people get worried that the little donke may be tired, but little donkey had breakfast before she left, then her bucket at lunchtime, plus a running buffet all day and has four legs to stand on - mum had a cup of tea before she left, having mucked out all the stables, hung up haynets etc for the return of the conquering heroine - and no one thought of feeding her a sandwich or a nice hot cup of tea. She also would like it to be noted that her feet and back were giving her gipp but no one asked how she was.
I suppose I can see her point. Anyway Aimee, bless her little cotton socks, raised £588 and this has been given to Cazaux as his pension - Donkey Heaven says that will pay his expenses for a year, so they are very pleased. I hadn't realised that donkeys cost so much every year - does this mean that mum has to spend all this money on me as well?
Maybe better not ask that question I suspect.
Aimee donkey is, I hate to admit it, clever. She does these things called Street Collections, where she goes to a town centre and hangs around and eats polo mints, apples, carrots (oh and not forgetting she gets her feed bucket and haynet as well). For some reason, people give her money - this is the bit I can't figure out. I mean I haven't worked out what useful function she performs yet so why give her money? Oh well, no accounting for it.
Anyway, she was in Ayr, a local seaside town, on Saturday and she posed and preened and generally did her stuff from 1030 in the morning to 430 in the afternoon - rather her than me, I was in the field all day chilling out. People brought her gifts - like organic carrots from Marks and Spencers - and she stood there like a little spotted princess and ate and slept. Mum says we won't mention about her lifting her tail and mum having to get the rubber gloves and plastic bags out.
Mum says that this is all well and good, people get worried that the little donke may be tired, but little donkey had breakfast before she left, then her bucket at lunchtime, plus a running buffet all day and has four legs to stand on - mum had a cup of tea before she left, having mucked out all the stables, hung up haynets etc for the return of the conquering heroine - and no one thought of feeding her a sandwich or a nice hot cup of tea. She also would like it to be noted that her feet and back were giving her gipp but no one asked how she was.
I suppose I can see her point. Anyway Aimee, bless her little cotton socks, raised £588 and this has been given to Cazaux as his pension - Donkey Heaven says that will pay his expenses for a year, so they are very pleased. I hadn't realised that donkeys cost so much every year - does this mean that mum has to spend all this money on me as well?
Maybe better not ask that question I suspect.
Wednesday, 20 August 2008
Vodka Donkey Goes for Full Brazilian
Really she has done it this time - I have been SHAVED. I feel so exposed, so embarassed, even my little girly bits are on view now, particularly as my tail hasn't grown back yet.
I know I was very very matted. I know that it hurt as the mats were right down to my skin. I know that the comb and the scissors didn't take the mats out. I know it had to be done.
But I am NAKED. I feel I should be in the Olympics playing beach volleyball or something. She who claims she is my stylist got this funny thing that makes a lot of noise and whoosh, all my hair was gone. It carpetted the stables - maybe this is a new type of bedding for the winter. And there I was exposed for all to see.
Mum says well it does show that I am no longer a skinny donkey as there is a large tummy peaking out. But I look ridiculous.
Please someone out there send me a modesty blanket.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
