Cazaux Has A Pension Fund

My old friend Cazaux, happily living at Donkey Heaven aka Scottish Borders Donkey Sanctuary, is now a very lucky donkey, not only does he have a new home for life but he has a PENSION.

Aimee donkey is, I hate to admit it, clever. She does these things called Street Collections, where she goes to a town centre and hangs around and eats polo mints, apples, carrots (oh and not forgetting she gets her feed bucket and haynet as well). For some reason, people give her money - this is the bit I can't figure out. I mean I haven't worked out what useful function she performs yet so why give her money? Oh well, no accounting for it.

Anyway, she was in Ayr, a local seaside town, on Saturday and she posed and preened and generally did her stuff from 1030 in the morning to 430 in the afternoon - rather her than me, I was in the field all day chilling out. People brought her gifts - like organic carrots from Marks and Spencers - and she stood there like a little spotted princess and ate and slept. Mum says we won't mention about her lifting her tail and mum having to get the rubber gloves and plastic bags out.

Mum says that this is all well and good, people get worried that the little donke may be tired, but little donkey had breakfast before she left, then her bucket at lunchtime, plus a running buffet all day and has four legs to stand on - mum had a cup of tea before she left, having mucked out all the stables, hung up haynets etc for the return of the conquering heroine - and no one thought of feeding her a sandwich or a nice hot cup of tea. She also would like it to be noted that her feet and back were giving her gipp but no one asked how she was.

I suppose I can see her point. Anyway Aimee, bless her little cotton socks, raised £588 and this has been given to Cazaux as his pension - Donkey Heaven says that will pay his expenses for a year, so they are very pleased. I hadn't realised that donkeys cost so much every year - does this mean that mum has to spend all this money on me as well?

Maybe better not ask that question I suspect.

Vodka Donkey Goes for Full Brazilian

Really she has done it this time - I have been SHAVED. I feel so exposed, so embarassed, even my little girly bits are on view now, particularly as my tail hasn't grown back yet.

I know I was very very matted. I know that it hurt as the mats were right down to my skin. I know that the comb and the scissors didn't take the mats out. I know it had to be done.

But I am NAKED. I feel I should be in the Olympics playing beach volleyball or something. She who claims she is my stylist got this funny thing that makes a lot of noise and whoosh, all my hair was gone. It carpetted the stables - maybe this is a new type of bedding for the winter. And there I was exposed for all to see.

Mum says well it does show that I am no longer a skinny donkey as there is a large tummy peaking out. But I look ridiculous.

Please someone out there send me a modesty blanket.

Five More Donkeys Need To Be Saved

Mum is very upset - she says if I look at the http://www.equinesection.com/ website it will break my little Vodka heart as there are five donkeys there, going to the great salami factory and some of them are super urgent and may be dead donkeys before long.

I had almost forgotten about this, I have been concentrating on myself, eating lots of summer grass, getting fatter, winding up Ferguson by flirting with him (he needs a step ladder to reach Vodka bits so I am the ultimate tease...) and making Aimee jealous.

It quite takes up all my time, just enjoying being a donkey who was lucky enough to get the special banner that saved me. Mum says with the credit crunch (what is this - a chocolate bar or meusli bar....sounds interesting) it is going to be harder and harder to get the money to buy the special spangled banners that save sweet and kind donkeys like these.

She is using up all her limited brain cells trying to find ways to help them, but she may run out of time. It's very sad, they are all boys, all young, but the fact that they are boys with bits make them the hardest to buy the special banners for, as they need operations when they get to the UK and safety so that they can't annoy innocent Vodka donkeys by trying to lead them astray and make baby donkeys (my mum told me about this sort of thing).

It makes me sad that I am a happy, contented donkey, with all my life ahead of me, full of fun (despite the recent rain on my parade and having to go back into rugs and galloshes), enjoying my first summer of freedom and there are my friends, doomed, destined for the bad lorry to take them to their deaths. Life isn't fair, death is even more unfair.

What can I do? Is there anyone out there?

Is there anyone out there? Finding homes isn't the problem, it's finding the dosh to buy them and bring them to safety.

Maybe if I gave up my dinner (I get special nice donkey food in my manger every night) it would help. Mum says no, I can still have my dinner, as it isn't that much but I will need to think big picture...Not sure what this means but I will try.

Kevin Castrated

Yes the deed has been done, Dinkum, known as Kevin, but now hopefuly known as Oz (how confusing) has had his bits off....ouchy ouchy....

Padraig didn't fancy it at all, so he is booked to go into hospital this week (accompanied for moral support by Kevin) as poor old Kevin bled rather badly...don't blame him.

His supporter, Kevin, blanched at the very thought of it all....and has been nicknamed Kevin the Castrated which amuses him not all. Bad enough he has lost his axe (see previous post) but this is getting a bit personal.

Thankfully Oz is fine, just a bit tender.

Dinkum Has a Name Change

Unfortunately there was already a donkey at Sussex Horse Rescue Trust called Dinkum, so having two would be confusing.

Pauline, who looks after the sanctuary, was going to rename him Kevin, in honour of our Australian friend, Kevin Chambers, who helped pay for Dinkum and buy him the special banner which saved him from going to Italy. But a donkey called Kevin, I think not.

Mum suggested Casey (KC as in KC and the Sunshine Band - he plays guitar and does these funny things where they have Weekend Warrior things and they play loud music....not for me I think) but he doesn't like that as he has just parted company with his band members - something about a diva singer who can't sing - well maybe I should audition....I wouldn't need a mike at all.

So he has suggested Oz or Ozzie which I think is cool - my mate Oz in Sussex, maybe he will text me.

Mum says he is very very lucky as there are another two donkeys that haven't got the special banners that says they are saved. She contacted The Scottish Sun again to see if they could do something for them, as all my publicity and nice picture is great but it didn't raise one single euro towards another donkey having their special banner.

I will have to think about what more I can do. It concerns me so much that my hair is falling out - mum says it is more to do with the heatwave.....

Revenge on the Stylist

Well, my erstwhile stylist, aka mum, went to her hairdresser today and I have to say I can hardly keep a straight donkey face - what a mess....

Oh well, I suppose it will grow back in time.

Snigger, Snigger, Snigger, hee haw, hee haw, hee haw....

Oh I am dancing around having a good old laugh......

Not letting her anywhere near me again with scissors as she might cut off my ear or tail.

Vodka's Stylist Arrives

Well, my 'stylist' arrived tonight and I have to say I am not at all pleased - I was at the very least expecting Nicky Clarke or some 'name' with experience of dressing long hair - but instead it is someone who looks awfully like mum and clutching a comb and pair of scissors.

This is just not on. I want a salon professional to sort out my grunge look, which even I have to say is not very suitable for summer.

My stylist did say that part of my problems with my current look have been caused by neglect i.e. she hasn't combed me. She tried to explain it by saying that when I arrived the last thing I wanted was to be teased and combed to within an inch of my life, and she had hoped that when I shed my coat in the summer, most of the problems would disappear then. But no, I have matty bits in sensitive places, and these will either have to be combed out, scissored out, or clipped with electric clippers.....

So after an hour, I am a patch work quilt. I had to have lots of bits scissored off my hind legs so I am bald there, plus there is a nasty bit near by elbow that has had a first go at. There are bits of me all over the stable.

Needless to say, I did not leave a tip.