I am lucky I got my dinner tonight, mum says if she had known what a stupid, unthinking donkey I was going to be today, she would not have filled my manger this morning.
I was already on the naughty step as it was. Some of you may know my fetish for undressing other donkeys robbing them of their nice warm rugs. Mainly my target has been little Ferguson, who is very long suffering and doesn't complain very much when I tug his rugs over his head, blinding and trussing him in the process. He even puts up with me jumping on him (despite me being twice as big as him) and is very very tolerant.
Till now, Aimee has avoided my attentions as she turns around and boots me if I get a bit too exuberant and boisterous.
However, yesterday, mum found Aimee trussed and bound in the field - with her rug pulled up over her head, so she couldn't see. And over her front, so she couldn't walk. I know it's a bit late for Xmas but she was a bit like a trussed turkey.
Without the benefit of a jury trial, I was convicted of this henious crime on the basis of my previous bad character and previous form, which is very unfair, as I believe that I am innocent until proven guilty. This seems to be an infringement of my donkey rights, and I will be in touch with the appropriate lawyer in the morning. Mum says get used to it, there is no such thing as justice these days.
Today though I got into even more trouble so much so that mum has said that transportation back to the fat farm may be an option. This is the ultimate special rendition and there is no way I am going back on that lorry and heading off to Italy.
She doesn't know how I did it, and to be honest I'm a bit vague on the sequence of events that led to my latest offence and downfall, but mum found me with my front leg down between Aimee's back legs, so that we were joined together by the straps on her rug - which I must say in my defence was still on her back and where it should be. Now is it my responsibility that rug designers put these stupid straps just where a playful donkey's leg might slip.....Mum says Aimee wouldn't need the blooming straps on her rug if I left it alone....I have to concede that there is an element of truth in that.
But there we were, like siamese twins, joined by the tail strap on the rug, and stuck there. Aimee tried to move forward, dragging me with her, but my weight pulled the rug backwards, so she couldn't move any more, as it was so tight with both of us trying to wear it.
Mum scolded me, after disentangling us, and told me that's how tragic accidents like broken legs happen, and this leads to dead donkeys.
I am chastened, but next time I will not be stupid enough to get caught. I have a cunning plan.
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